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Friday, February 7, 2014

TLV Abridged: Scene 12 - Family History - Part 3



McAshton: The portrait gallery is right this way.
Rookery: Looks like no one will hear you scream.


McAshton: What was that?
Rookery: Oh, nothing, my lord.


Tony: I knew my really sloppy sneaking around skills would come in handy someday!


McAshton: It's still here. Jesus Christ I need to get that thing moved.


Elizabeth's Portrait: I'm watchin' you, Lord McAshton.


McAshton: There it is, the ghost. It's been haunting this family for ages.
Rookery: (to himself) What is this guy talking about?


McAshton: The portrait talks, and sometimes spirits move it throughout the house, and...
Rookery: What's that around her neck?


McAshton: No! It'll fall on you and try to spear you with something!


Rookery: (in a trance) Trust me, my lord. I know what I'm doing.


Elizabeth's Portrait: You keep talking, Rookery, but I dare you to come anywhere near my Von.


Rookery: (in a trance) Talk I shall, then.




Rookery: Tell me about this woman, McAshton.


McAshton: Have you run mad?
Rookery: I insist.



McAshton: Very well. (actual dialogue) She saw a ship foundered on the rocks, though there'd been no storm. No sign of life, no crew, save one, who crawled ashore injured. But he was no mortal man.


Tony: Oh, my God, this dude has no idea what movie he's in.



Rookery: Of course he wasn't mortal. You said it yourself. She took up with a vampire. Those were your exact words, yes?


Rookery: The vampire's name was Sackville-Bagg. Von Sackville-Bagg.
McAshton: *has no idea what to do with the James Bond reference*


Rookery: Now tell me where she's buried.
McAshton: B-b-beg...Beg pardon?



Rookery: I want to know where she's buried.
McAshton: You want to exhume her?
Rookery: Precisely.


Elizabeth's Portrait: I hope you're taking notes, sympathizer.


McAshton: Well...why?
Rookery: She has something I want.


Rookery: She doesn't look like the sort of woman I'd want roaming the earth as a vampire, though. She's quite severe-looking.
McAshton: Hmm, you've got a point there.


Elizabeth's Portrait: You don't know the meaning of the word severe.


Rookery: Now let's find out definitively whether or not she and her vampire lover are out sucking the blood of humans, shall we.


Tony: Time to move.


Rookery: Nice hedges.
McAshton: Thank you.


Tony: Damn, those guys walk fast.


Tony: Oh, snap, I'm in trouble!


Nigel: Oh, God! Cousin Itt!


*totes just realized he called who he believes is the Lord of the Underworld and the master of all vampires Cousin Itt*


*screams of shock and terror*


*war cry*


Nigel and Flint: Muuuuuuuummmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!


Tony: You two punks are in my way.


Flint: We're screwed.


Tony: *hiss*


Nigel: Oh, my God, he has actual vampire teeth!
Flint: Daywalker?


Tony: Okay, you two need to shut the hell up.


Tony: And get out of my sight!


Flint: Of course, of course!


Flint: We're leaving!


Tony: On your knees!


 
Tony: Okay, back to work.


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