The Little Vampire Obsessed 2.0: TLV Abridged: Scene 4 - Just a Little One

*Scotland the Brave*

Bob: I feel like I'm required to give precedent to Mary Sue authors everywhere who've even slightly heard of this movie a long time ago by stating that I have a brother who got married once and therefore probably has kids, meaning Tony has cousins that can now, in retellings of this movie, fall in love with those vampire kids my son's supposed to be spending all his time with now.

McAshton: Are you teaching your son plot awareness? That's adorable.
Dottie: Oh, thank you. He's been learning really well.
McAshton: Wonderful.

McAshton: Look at this. My bratty and slightly sociopathic grandsons!

Nigel: *obviously fake smile*
Flint: *obviously not trying*

Nigel: We absolutely adore torturing your son, Mr. and Mrs. Thompson.
Flint: *wondering if he can dissociate himself from this at any point in the near future, looking to his grandfather for reprieve*

Dottie: So you must be a subplot that will be resolved at the start of the ninth scene, I take it.

McAshton: Wow, you're good.

Dottie: Tony's learning from the best.

Nigel: Are we really going to be offed in a few scenes? Because I've got to go to college remember? Or all the money you spent raising us for our alcoholic father will have been wasted.
Dottie: That explains a lot.
McAshton: Don't worry. This is a kids' movie. Nobody dies in kids movies.

Nigel: Tell your son to try his hardest. We'll be ready.

Dottie: *is doubting how they'll hold out against a vampire*
Bob: *is oblivious*

Flint: We nailed it.

McAshton: Now run along. You've got to get some rest before you fulfill the rest of your subplot-related duties.

Nigel: We'll own it. At least we can act.

Flint: *is still trying to look like an angel*

*are smug*

Bob: Appears the challenge has been levied.
Dottie: *is studying the competition*

McAshton: So it has.

Bob: So what do you think, Dottie.
Dottie: I think they'd go good with a side of O-positive, but that's just me.

*can't decide between awkward and ready to drop dead*

*can't decide between awkward and constipated*

Mr. Boggins: Cheers, to Tony's vampire obsession.

Dottie: Uh, yeah, cheers.

*awkward smiling*

Dottie: *awkward smiling trying to disguise itself* Vampire obsession?

Mr. Boggins: I'm serious. He spends his entire time in class doing nothing but blather on and on about some dream he's having about vampires, of all things!